Maybe it’s the myriad current events involving women this past year but I am about to lose my s#!t this morning because of this headline I saw in The Washington Post: “Doritos is developing lady-friendly chips.” Yup, you read that right folks, l-aaa-dy friendly chips!
So get this, apparently PepsiCo chief executive Indra Nooyi was on the Freakonomics podcast talking about how PepsiCo is developing a chip for women. “As you watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag, they pour little broken pieces into their mouth because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavor… Women would love to do the same, but they don’t”
Um really? That is news to me, have I been eating Doritos in an unlady-like fashion all these years?****
She goes on to say “…They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public.” Is that so? I am learning so much this morning. The education continues as apparently the company’s future chip for women will be “low crunch”, the full taste profile, not have so much of the flavor stick on the fingers…” Thank goodness because I for one, DO NOT want to sacrifice flavor for “low crunch.”
Maura Judkis from The Washington Post 1, did a great job in her article "Doritos is developing lady-friendly chips." Conveying just how stupid and offensive this product is: “How often do I eat chips? Well, I only eat them when I am alone, laugh-crying while wearing fuzzy slippers and watching 'The Bachelor,' and there are no men nearby to see my shame, I sure wish I could eat chips more often but it’s so difficult to avoid the embarrassment of being a lady who eats chips.”
Awesome Ms. Judkis, thank you for this. See, I’m not the only l-aaa-dy who sees the ridiculousness of this product but I found the idea of these awful lady-friendly chips so deeply appalling that it has inspired a verbal rampage which many not stop anytime soon.
I have some ideas for Indra Nooyi and PepsiCo. How about creating some lady-friendly chips that, once loudly crunched and ingested, give women and young girls magical powers so that when they say they have been sexually molested or raped, people actually believe them? Or, ooh, ooh, how about a chip that after being nosily eaten and after fingers are properly licked, gives them super human strength to defend themselves against husbands and boyfriends who try to beat the crap out of them or kill them?
Another idea, make lady-chips to help women gain the wherewithal to bypass their “lady-like” cultural conditioning to actually tell men when, where and how they want to have sex and what would be pleasurable for them. Maybe a special edition lady-friendly chip that will help them to be assertive and able to tell a dude in real time “NO, I don’t want to give you a BJ right now.”
Think about this PepsiCo. You could be the first company to upgrade a product which actually empowers women and girls instead of setting them back fifty years. It could be like Willie Wonka meets all of the incredible women who have made great strides and sacrifices to ensure that a female chief exec. of a fortune 500 company doesn’t promote a product as stupid as lady-friendly chips in 2018. It could happen. Think about it.
****Note: As a practitioner of holistic medicine, I certainly do not recommend eating Doritos. Here is a list of their ingredients: Nacho Cheese Doritos ingredients (U.S.), in order of percent of product: whole corn, vegetable oil (corn, soybean, and/or sunflower oil), salt, cheddar cheese (milk, cheese cultures, salt, enzymes), maltodextrin, whey, monosodium glutamate, buttermilk solids, romano cheese (part skim cow's milk, cheese cultures, salt, enzymes), whey protein concentrate, onion powder, partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oil, corn flour, disodium phosphate, lactose, natural and artificial flavor, dextrose, tomato powder, spices, lactic acid, artificial color (including Yellow 6, Yellow 5, Red 40), citric acid, sugar, garlic powder, red and green bell pepper powder, sodium caseinate, disodium inosinate, disodium guanylate, nonfat milk solids, whey protein isolate, corn syrup solids.